CAP Member Question Stokes Conspiracy to “Homogenize” Air Force and Auxiliary

Penis Drawing PilotsCivil Air Patrol member concerned that amateur aerial urologists are victims of conspiracy to homo-genize armed forces.

by Slider Goose | AuxBeacon News Reader

[Editor’s Note: We hope this contribution is tongue-in-cheek, but we really aren’t sure. In case it is not, we open with the classic meme from Princess Bride.]

Word Meanings in Civil Air Patrol

Civil Air Patrol members may struggle with certain words.


A year ago this time two US Navy lieutenants were busted for drawing male genitalia in the sky above Okanogan County, Washington with their Boeing EA-18G Growler. Many in the Air Force and its Auxiliary chalked this up to the homoerotic undercurrents that have entered weaker and more susceptible “naval” minds through Tony Scott’s 1986 film Top Gun. If you’ve been watching Civil Air Patrol social media for the past decade, you have surely noticed that the film is a misunderstood favorite with the oblivious (or perhaps closeted) CAP cadet corps. If your cadets have never seen the film explained, you can show them this brief tutorial on the subversion in Top Gun.

Top Gun Lockeroom Subversion

Civil Air Patrol should explain Top Gun to its cadets.

News just out this past week, however, shows that the vast conspiracy to undermine American virility is not limited to only the United States Navy.

During the B-52 flying 69th Bomb Squadron’s 2017-2018 deployment to Al Udeid Air Force Base, Qatar, penis drawings were repeatedly created by unit members and captured for a CD montage. The montage was played at the end of the deployment, and then left behind and later turned in to officials. The suggestive material in a deadly serious workplace environment prompted an investigation.

As a result, Air Force squadron commander Lt Col Paul Goossen, (no joke that’s his last name) has been fired over these digital dicks drafted on the mapping equipment of a B-52H cockpit. I personally think such a punishment might be too extreme and if you hunt around, you will see that I am not the only one.

As a healthy, single, male pilot who travels extensively, I don’t draw penises. I’ve sketched a few flying-saucer honeypots in my day, but I assumed this was natural because, well, I find myself attracted to the opposite gender.

Could these male aviators have been intimidated or threatened by the large, vagina-shaped spacecraft in Qatar that could easily engulf their tiny airplanes?

Al Wakrah Stadium Qatar

Al Wakrah Stadium Qatar

I’ve noticed that some Civil Air Patrol members seem to prefer finding male genitalia in many places they look. Here’s Pacific Region Commander Jon L. Stokes in 2016.

Civil Air Patrol Jon L. Stokes

Civil Air Patrol Pacific Region Commander Jon L. Stokes communicates

You can find a collection of Civil Air Patrol Penis Memes at [link redacted].

My question for you and your readers, is Civil Air Patrol some soft unguarded point of penetration for the homogenization and humiliation of our US military forces?

Related Stories:

Penis skydrawing was our doing, Navy says

‘Prevalent phallic drawings’ by B-52 airmen at deployed location led to commander’s ouster

6 Comments on "CAP Member Question Stokes Conspiracy to “Homogenize” Air Force and Auxiliary"

  1. I don’t get it. Is your site pro or anti gay?

    [Admin: Neither. Pro-awareness of the issues and pro-compliance with US laws.]

  2. Avatar StatonReport | December 8, 2018 at 08:25 | Reply

    In 2003, the Civil Air Patrol’s Redstone Composite Squadron in Huntsville was named the Alabama Air Force Association Unit of the Year. Arnold Staton served as a senior member with that squadron from 1995 until 2003. He says in 2002 he learned that the unit had appointed a “trans-gendered” individual to work as an orientation pilot directly with the young people, unsupervised. Upon further investigation, Staton says he discovered that homosexuals have been appointed to CAP leadership positions without letting anyone know about their sexual orientation.

    “I started looking and found out there’s other instances in other states where openly homosexual individuals not only serve, they’re given one-on-one access in leadership situations with young people,” he says. “None of the parents [of the CAP youth cadets] were made aware of [the Huntsville situation],” he says, “so they’ll let them serve — and they don’t really want anybody else to know what’s going on.”

    Staton believes CAP leaders have an ulterior motive for ignoring the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy in the military. “You almost would think that Civil Air Patrol’s allowance of homosexuals and other deviants in these programs is almost a back-door way to root away at Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” he suggests — adding that such undermining of the policy “could possibly lead to openly homosexual individuals serving in the armed forces.”

  3. This is one of your funnier pieces, and yet it’s all true. How f’d up is that?

  4. Avatar SanQuentinTG | December 6, 2018 at 13:32 | Reply

    Yeah, San Quentin explained it all, especially this ridiculous locker room scene. When my Squadron Commander’s son sees this he’s gonna be ticked-off.

    [link redacted, image inserted]

  5. Avatar Blooey Pastor | December 6, 2018 at 09:19 | Reply

    Does Nutt Milk need to be pasteurized and homogenized?

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