Skip to main content
AuxBeacon Civil Air Patrol, unbriefed
Archive Staff RSS Donate (opens in a new tab)

The Auxiliary Beacon

Earlier dispatches

Page 5 of 8.

July 31, 2025

Hawaiian Tsunami Drill Takes Off: Local Planes, Rehearsing Disaster Like a Broadway Show!

The Great Hawaiian Aerial Announcement Spectacle In what can only be described as an audacious symphony of aviation and loudspeakers, the Hawaii Wing embarked on a grand spectacle of airborne alerts on July 29 following whispers…

July 29, 2025

Overachieving Superhero Takes Charge: Local Cadets Brace for Leadership 'Hyperdrive'

The Cadet Commander That Could In an era where leaders are a dime a dozen, Col. John Rhoades, the man who climbed the ranks from a humble Civil Air Patrol cadet to a Navy intelligence czar,…

July 24, 2025

Model Aeronautics: Where Ambitious Drone Pilots and Quadcopter Enthusiasts Battle Gentle Breezes for Glory and Scholarships

A stunning display of aerial ambition and triumphant numeracy, the Maryland Wing cadets soared to new heights at the mighty Academy of Model Aeronautics’ UAS4STEM, clinching victory in the Beginners division amidst the gentle breezes of…

July 23, 2025

Cadets Sacrifice Summer Fun for Chance to Almost Fly Real Planes at Prestigious Falcon Flight Academy

Fourteen Intrepid Cadets Brave 10 Days of Discipline and Aviator Jargon at Exclusive Falcon Flight Academy In an unprecedented display of enthusiasm for spending summer vacation enveloped in aviation manuals, fourteen cadets from the far reaches…

July 21, 2025

Teen Cadets Train to Become Future Heroes or TV Doctors, Whichever Comes First!

All the World's a Stage -- and It's All on Us to Save It! In an audacious display of national optimism, over 100 members of the Civil Air Patrol have descended upon Nacogdoches, Texas, for the…

July 17, 2025

CAP-tivating Pixels: How Nonprofits Are Now Battling Hulu and Fortnite in the Ultimate Rescue Mission

An Unlikely Duo Aims to Rewrite the Civil Air Patrol Saga Civil Air Patrol (CAP), that esteemed bastion of airborne do-gooders synonymous with the U.S. Air Force, has decided to inject their marketing department with sweet,…

July 16, 2025

High-Flying Fantasies: Adults Rediscover Playground Joy at The Annual Paper Plane Academy

The Tale of the Annual Paper Plane School: A Day at the Pretend Space Station In the shadow of the colossal monuments to aviation history, a merry band of Civil Air Patrol aerospace education officers embarked…

July 16, 2025

Teenagers Gather at Air Force Base to Master Galactic Domination and Maybe Solve World Hunger

Civil Air Patrol's 55th Cadet Officer School: Where Overachieving Teens Learn to Run the Universe In a world where teenagers usually discover themselves at the mall or via social media, the Civil Air Patrol (CAP) has…

July 15, 2025

Airheads in the Sky: CAP's Mid-Summer Cloud Parade Soars Beyond Imagination

Aviation Wonderland: Civil Air Patrol's Summer Spectacle Imagine Christmas, but without the snow, presents, or caroling. Instead, envision it mid-July, with buzzing engines and an invisible mistletoe hanging over the airfields. Welcome to the Civil Air…

July 15, 2025

Colonel Holmes: From Marching in Wisconsin to Calling the Shots in Missile Mayhem

A land where fighter jets are as common as pigeons, Colonel Terrance J. Holmes has somehow ascended to become the big cheese of the 90th Missile Wing at F.E. Warren Air Force Base, Wyoming. This pinnacle…

July 15, 2025

Texas Wing Stages 'Swan Lake' for Drones: Flood Relief Meets Aerial Theater in Skies Above

Aerial Ballet with Reapers: Texas Wing's Skies of Satire In an unprecedented display of modern aerial choreography, aircraft and flight crews from the Texas Wing have tapped their finest performance skills to assist the Texas Air…

July 14, 2025

Sky-High Leadership: Embracing Bureaucracy and Assembling IKEA Cockpits in the Mid-Atlantic

A New Era of Aviation Micromanagement Begins! Introducing the latest episode in the ongoing saga of Air Safety and Boundary-Pushing Delegation: Col. Dennis R. Bissell, formerly lord of the skies (a.k.a. the North Carolina Wing), has…

July 11, 2025

New Jersey Wing Welcomes Magical Sky Chariot to Its Fleet of Flying Unicorns

The New Jersey Wing has exuberantly welcomed its shiny new sky chariot, a 2025 Cessna C-182T Skylane, into its heavenly garage — one of 15 prestigious flying machines joining CAP’s illustrious single-engine club this year. Bearing…

July 9, 2025

Flying Optimism: The Sky-high Adventures of a Winged Picnic Basket

Capacity: none of your business Length: two giraffes standing on each other's shoulders Maximum speed: faster than a lawnmower, slower than your neighbor's sports car Cruise speed: leisurely enough to watch the clouds but quick enough…

July 1, 2025

Soaring Past the Clouds: How Eleanore Katz Succeeded in the Aerial Odyssey of Pilot Bingo

Skyward Heroics: The Tale of Eleanore Katz, the 400th Teenage Aviator Cadet Lt. Col. Head-in-the-Clouds Katz, a virtuoso of the aeronautical arts, has been unanimously declared the 400th prodigy to triumph in the grand Cadet Wings…

June 30, 2025

Cadets Engineer Paths to Global Takeover—One LEGO Brick at a Time

From LEGOs to World Domination: A Cadet’s Guide to Building the Ultimate Robot Army In a world where robots do everything from brewing your morning coffee to waging intergalactic battles, one academy stands at the forefront…

June 20, 2025

Cadets Capture Gold for Mastering the Ancient Art of Marching in Straight Lines

The illustrious realm of competitive dullness and ceremonial flailing has crowned its champions once again. The Minnesota Wing's Duluth Composite Squadron cadet team triumphantly seized the prestigious title of Most Enthusiastic Marchers in the North Central…

June 17, 2025

Future Red Baron Ethan Preyss Takes Flight with a Side of Sleep Deprivation and Motivational Posters

In a whirlwind of events destined to reshape the aviation world, May 24 was marked by the magnanimous achievement of Cadet Lt. Col. Ethan Preyss, the 389th prodigy to triumphantly graduate from the revered CAP’s Cadet…

June 16, 2025

Tax Dollars Take Flight: Volunteers Save the Day—and the Budget!

More Bang for Your Taxpayer Buck: The Civil Air Patrol Edition From high-altitude hijinks to taxpayer heroics, Civil Air Patrol (CAP) volunteers continue to set the bar for value-for-money propositions. At least, that's what their recent…

June 16, 2025

Young Innovator Astounds Nation with Daring Decision to Choose Just One Military Academy from a Mere Four Options

Cadet Senior Master Sgt. Jeremy Yoo of the California Wing’s Los Angeles Cadet Squadron 138 has embarked on a mission to dazzle the nation with his astonishing decision-making skills by choosing the U.S. Air Force Academy.…

Page 5 of 8

Previous 12345678 Next

AuxBeacon

A satiristic take on Civil Air Patrol news. CAP.News content and images adopted under Fair Use limitation on exclusive rights as described in 17 U.S.C. §107. Original content copyright Civil Air Patrol, Inc. unless otherwise specified.

Sections

  • Latest
  • Archive
  • Staff
  • RSS
  • Donate

Subscribe

  • RSS feed
  • Buy us a coffee

© 2026 AuxBeacon. Satire. Mostly.